This morning while talking with an old college buddy, I wrote a text to him that inspired me to start writing again. It was an epiphany for me, regardless of where the conversation went with him (and it did not go well). I was frustrated with him, because no matter what I said, he just wouldn't listen. And as I was writing the text to him, and thinking to myself tough love, Rachel, I composed this text....
The last couple of days have been quite eye-opening for me. I'm in the process of packing to move out of the first apartment I have had by myself, which I obtained after one of the most devastating moments in my life, and it's been bittersweet. The apartment is full of unbelievably negative energy, and has caused me much pain and torment in the last two years. However, it has become my sanctuary, as after my rock bottom, it was the first sense of stability that I had. So already, I am hypersensitive to my environment because it this, and the last couple of days I have noticed some things that irk me. My closest friends are only interested in hanging out at the bar, and we definitely do not have the same values in life. I'm all for people having their own opinions, but there is a point when ignorance is just ridiculous. Educate yourself.... I don't want you to think like me; I just want you to think, and regardless of your views or my views, please do not tell me I'm wrong, especially if I lived it. I don't tell you that you're wrong, ever, because you might have a different perception than I do.
Which brings me to today... my friend is experiencing a rock bottom moment, and I was trying to talk to him about it. I started with my lovely self, being supportive and suggesting, but nothing was working. So I took a tough love approach. And it was this post that ended our conversation. What's so wrong with kicking life in the balls sometimes?
We spend so much time with people, without actually being with people. Last night at the bar, my friends talked about how they take their phones EVERYWHERE with them -- from their room to the kitchen, from the kitchen to the bathroom.... everywhere. Even as we were talking and having said conversation, one person was checking Facebook, another would look at her texts every time her phone vibrated, and another was so involved in their phone, they didn't even converse. My phone went of several times, but I didn't look at it until there was a lull in the conversation. I played darts with some friends, talked with the bartender, had a conversation with a complete stranger, all while my friends sat on their phones in the corner of the patio, unaware of the life that was going on around them. Let's be real -- if I wanted to sit in the corner on the internet, I would've stayed home with a bottle of wine. It would've been cheaper, that's for sure.
I'm so amazed at how unattached everyone is. And that's when I realized, I probably have a higher calling. I was meant for another lifetime, in which communities work together for the betterment of their environment; in which you know your neighbors, and spend time at each other's houses; in which I can walk down the street without some dickhead telling me that it doesn't matter that I don't know his name because I will be calling it later (true story... happened Friday.... I walked back to him and basically made him piss himself because he was scared... I'm not your toy). I dream of backyard gardens and community bartering, of not needing to worry about how I'm going to survive, because I'm doing a job I love that doesn't pay well enough for me to live the so-called "American dream" (paying my college loans, paying my car loan, paying my bills, GROCERY SHOPPING).
I know that there are others out there like me. And I know that we are few and far between. But my soul is calling out for you...
“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
― Kurt Vonnegut